The muscle stiffness is insane. I’ve got that ripply, squeezy “I’m cold, but not really” shivering going on for most of the day.
Someone posted on one of the benzo forums that they wake up every morning feeling hungover, and that’s exactly what it’s like. Jumpy, shaky, dry-mouthed — but no longer anxious. My body feels anxious, but my mind doesn’t go down that path.
It’s so much easier to ground myself by realizing that it’s just my nervous system and endocrine system ganging up on me, bullying my brain into thinking I’m having a panic attack. Looking at it scientifically like that, instead of hooking into something to be worried about, takes away its power. It’s my body, not my brain, that’s doing the shaking, shivering, stiffening.
And the truth is, it’s hard to notice if you’re not inside my skin. Clenching stomach and jaw muscles is annoying to the person doing it — not so much to the person next to me, thank God.
And even though I’m not sleeping anything like eight hours a night, I did finally make it past the six-hour mark. Yay! I consider that a win.
So. Things are definitely better. According to information on benzodiazepines, the effects of withdrawal can be present for up to 18 months.
Eighteen months. I’m hoping that is not my story, but you never know.
I’ve connected with a new friend who jumped off the medication on the same day as me; she developed a histamine intolerance during her taper, meaning she can’t eat certain foods or do anything to aggravate the histamines in her body. She has migraines and headaches almost constantly, and feels like she has a cold.
Who knew all of this could come from taking one little anti-anxiety pill?
I’m heading back to Kripalu on Sunday for a week to finish up my 300-hour Ayurvedic yoga teacher training, and it is the first time — the very first time in over 20 years — where I am not packing my medication.
What a miracle.
Next Tuesday is World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day. Please, click on the picture below to go to the W-BAD website, and watch the short video on “What are the risks of taking benzodiazepines as prescribed?” The more we all know, the more we can be aware of this horrific medication and its long-lasting repercussions.
